落月轩

    今天真倒霉！

     一上MSN，就看到有人叫“婚礼未至_不胜惶惑”。吓了一跳。心想，这都什么年代哦。怎么一个二个都急着结婚？从去年底回国后，这婚礼我就没断过参加。小学同学，初中同学，高中同学，大学同学，再加上自家的亲戚朋友，排着队的结婚，好象结婚不用钱似的。后来听妈妈说，今年是盲年，兆头不好，都赶着在春节前结婚，好避过去。

     能怎么办呢？只好认了，谁叫咱没男朋友，活该孤家寡人，遇上个盲年都欺负我。硬着头皮一个一个婚礼的参加，看着新郎新娘甜甜美美的样子，酸得我胃液都快涌上来了。这帮幸福的一小群自己开心了，还要落井下石，结婚就结婚吧，还不忘踩我几脚。

     什么“抓紧时间哦，要不就没好的了！”“宝宝你不济事哦，去那边那么久，怎么就没拐个男朋友回来？”“宝宝，我Darling有几个不错的单身朋友，要不要介绍给你看啊？” 诸如此类，不一而足，生怕我不知道他们现在结婚了，我还是单身，在他们眼中是公害异类了一样。

     最倒霉的是，还要陪足笑脸。一边历数自己多没用，还要赞新娘本人多聪明，多漂亮，她家老公多英俊能干。一番恭维告一段落后，新娘大人转移阵地，继续虐待下一位不幸的单身嘉宾，我在原地怒发冲冠，恨不能睚眦尽裂，可惜凭栏处，也无风雨也无晴，就看到她新娘大人那件在聚光灯下成无限倍数放大的婚纱，触目惊心，白惨惨一片，直白得我眼睛生疼，脑袋发晕。

     回过神来唯一的反应就是要拿回红包钱！可惜，心有余而力不足。终究没那个胆量。只好晚上缩在被子里大哭一场，恨自己不中用，连个男生都泡不到。

     好不容易，进了这个盲年，大大小小的婚礼都停了。以为终于可以松一口气，休养生息一番。结果，这才过了年多久，就又有人赶着结婚了。这不诚心不让我有舒坦日子过吗？

     转念一想，不对啊，要是哪个快结婚了，怎么我连封请柬都没收到的？这位准新娘（不管是谁吧）居然不摆酒了？倒是蛮怪异的。

     打开那人窗口，掠了一眼邮箱地址，不看倒好，这一看，我差点没吐血！

     要结婚的不是别人，是我那暗恋多年，远在异国的网友。

     怪不得我没收到结婚请柬，他老兄是断断然不会想到要给我发的了。

     坐在电脑前，对着他的MSN窗口，脑子里是一片空白，空空的，什么也没有。

     他居然要结婚了！

     那个死人猪头，那个整天在MSN里嚷嚷着自己要孤独终老，死时都还是个处男的猪头，居然要结婚了！

     我哭~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     他怎么可以这么不声不响，连招呼都不打一个地就要结婚了呢？

     记得临回国前去见他，问起他的终身大事问题，他还一个劲地叹气，说周围没女生，这辈子怕是没指望了。我说我要回国了，他居然还说记得多鼓励几个漂亮MM过来这边读书，也给他创造创造福利。

     前前后后，这才多久，他那边居然就奏起《费加罗的婚礼》进行时了。

     其实，我是希望他结婚的。

     毕竟，他年纪也不小了，都30几快40的人了。连个正经的，持续时间长些的女朋友都没有。整天就对着电脑写程序、编网页，根本就没有什么社交生活。别说MM了，连男生他都不一定能认识多几个。这样的情况下，他居然也能结婚。我实在是应该为他高兴才对的。

     可是，我实在是笑不出来。心底的匣子里，还留有暗恋他时的一点一滴。虽然早就知道他不可能会爱我，更不可能娶我，可是，总还是有些希望的。他一天不娶，我心中的希望就还可以继续，就还可以幻想有朝一日，他会握着我的手，站在神父面前，坚定地说一声“I do”。就象小孩子看着桌上的巧克力，虽然大人不允许她吃，但就是看着，也是一种满足，可以暗暗幻想，那块巧克力，咬下去，会是多么的甜蜜幸福。可当大人拿起那块巧克力，毫不犹豫地撕掉包装纸，一口咬了下去后，属于小孩子的幻想也就随之终结了。巧克力已经进了别人的口中，她再也无法想象自己去咬的情景了，因为那个可以给她幻想的巧克力已经消失了，代之而存在地是一个陌生的，别人咬过的巧克力。是别人的了，再也不可能属于自己了。

     猪头的婚礼，意味着我无限的期望将从此划上一个虽不圆满，且充满遗憾，但却是无可避免的永恒的句号。

     从此以后，幻想中将不能再有他。执子之手，与子偕老的誓言，将永远不可能与他分享。少女梦幻的一切种种，将终随时间的推移，逐渐被淡忘，与其他曾经痛扯心肺，却始终无法得到的梦想一起，埋于心灵的最深处。直到多年后，不经意重新拾起，方记得，当年的自己曾爱得如此幼稚，如此痛楚，如此深心。

   

     实在不知道说什么好了，今天从看到他的婚礼宣告，就开始疯狂的头晕头痛。一直坚持着把要处理的事物都做好，就一头倒在床上，睡到现在。梦里反复颠倒着那句“婚礼未至_不胜惶惑”。挣扎爬起，坐到电脑前，打了这么一篇自己都不知所云的东西。

     想想看，其实，也不过是又一篇的：爱人结婚了，新娘不是我。

     唉~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

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N年前的旧文，今天找资料，才看到。

时过境迁，就当是一杯奠酒祭当年吧。

    So, another weekend is coming. What's your plan?
    Do your dirty laundries? Clean your love nest? Go out for a walk (actually a pretty good choice considering the recent weather condition)? Or being a real Eve — go for shopping?
    Well, whatever your choice/plan is, enjoy it!

 

    As for me, all I could say is that the poor Single Girl has to contend herself with the least interesting option for such a fine weather: staying at home, sitting in front of the computer, and doing completely nothing at all for the whole weekend.
    The reason? Simple.
    The mess.
    There's a wide range of messes. Some are pleasant; some are tedious; some are boring; some are exciting; some are troublesome; some are disastrous. Last but not the least, some are fatal.
    For a single girl like me, a relationship mess is something that one welcomes with a little hidden smile. At least, it proves that one is capable of entering into a relationship, not just being a big heavy stupid decorative wallflower with nobody noticing at all. It may cost one a lot of time and energy. Still, the fact of being in the tangle satisfies a thirsty heart not just a little bit. However, to the trained/experienced eyes, this may sound like complete nonsense. Yes, indeed, I believe we have reached the point of quoting that famous saying from Qian Zhongshu now, "The outsiders long to get in, while the insiders yearn to get out." Ah, life is full of paradox. Like Oscar Wilde stated in An Ideal Husband, it makes life "so obvious." Otherwise we may fairly ignore it without even noticing that we do.
    But the mess that holds me at home is not the bitter-sweet relationship mess. Just the opposite, it's the least expected and most unwelcome mess. In fact, I strongly consider it as THE most DISASTROUS mess that could ever befallen on a single girl — the financial mess!
    For a single girl who has no one but herself to rely on, nothing can do more harm to her than the lack of money. It's been true since the very day money was invented. I know nowadays health is taking up more and more believers in the what's-the-most-important-thing-on-earth competition. People are telling you time and time again how crucial health is. And I admit that health indeed is very important. But when health fails you, money at least can get you a proper burial.
    So, back to my financial mess. The process of how I get into it is a huge mess itself. But the core part is simple: a mutual neglect. As Rebecca Bloomwood said in her popular day-time financial advice show, (Rebecca Bloomwood as the Rebecca Bloomwood in Confessions of A Shopaholic, oh my, how I love that book series) you take care of money and money will take care of you. To me, it's just the other way around: I neglect the money babe, and the money babe, in turns, neglects me. Hence, a piece of advice coming from a looser who has been there (actually am still there): take care of your money, or you'll be dumped by her. And trust me, this dump act will break your heart more than any handsome prince can ever do to you. Be careful!
    Well, since my little purse has officially hit the bottom, I have to cut off all those behaviors focusing on spending money. In another word, I must, as Lady Russell said to Sir Water in Persuasion, "retrench". And retrench I will. Shopping is my No.1 enemy now. That is... until I get back on my feet again. So no more fun-ridden rendezvous with those big shopping malls now. I must strictly confine my territory to the pure spiritual world. Since I've been told when I was a little girl that nothing could feed one's body and mind like knowledge, I decide to forsake the devilish commercial world, and dedicate my weekend purely to the grand activity of searching for knowledge on the internet. What a noble deed, indeed! Truly, I'm impressed by myself.
    So, that's my weekend's arrangement. And I will get back to you with the latest report (if anything juicy does happen, though it's highly questionable).

 

    Anyway, bye for now, girls (and possibly some boys)!
    Whether you are rich or poor, remember, take care of your money!

   Hello, everyone!
    The single girl is back.

      工作两年了，看身边的人偕连理的偕连理、获麟儿的获麟儿，只有我一个还是形单影只、孤家寡人。寂寞成了家常便饭，相亲变得稀松平常，却又每每无疾而终。有时我想，我可能真的不是能谈恋爱结婚的人。我太缺乏可供临场表现的特质了。
      恋爱其实并不难，假如你具备一些可以在日常生活中拿出来展示的本领特质。那么，只要你不是身有残疾、“沉鱼落雁”（此词请从相反方向理解），找到一个可供恋爱的的对象不会是一件难事。事实上，这也是为什么走在街上，经常会看到一些其貌不扬的男女仍然能够幸福地沉醉在爱河里的原因。他们可能长得离赛潘安、胜玉环还有很长的一段努力空间，但他们的伴侣却不用携带任何特殊挖凿工具，更无须掘地三尺，就可以感受到他们的长处。
      但假若你很不幸的具备的是一些在日常生活中无法拿出来炫耀显摆的长处（这里排除任何身体方面的联想），那就只好慢慢地等了，等到某个考古学家提起兴致来挖掘这片不毛地吧。这个快食的时代，我们再没有耐性醉笑陪君三万场。我们只有一片饼干、一杯咖啡的时间。相亲约会成了栋笃笑面试。“好吧，如果你无法在三分钟内令我发笑：Thank you, next!”
      很不幸的是，我属于后者。鄙人所擅长的、或自认为擅长的东西都是无法在第一面时就那出来显摆的。想象一下隔着一桌子虾饺烧卖，我悠悠将最近新填的一阕《浣溪沙》轻轻吟诵给对面那位正努力吞下嘴里的叉烧包、手里筷子瞄准碗中的干蒸、眼角还警醒地瞥向手推车上的凤爪的男士听。又或者，在一曲悠扬的《赠爱丽丝》里，我有板有眼地与烛光中秃顶趋势不是那么明显的西装男，分享康熙朝早中晚期后宫嫔妃位次排名与皇子受宠程度的分析。以上两种情形，我在脑海里预演了一番，最终还是否决了。而最后一项我勉强可以谈擅长的，就只有英语了。可拜托，我现在最烦的就是谈英语。记得读大学时，总是有亲戚朋友问我，读英语专业哦，你们是不是下课都用英语讲话的啊？我总是一本正经并且带着满心不耐，回应道，不，我们不讲英语，实际上，我们抓紧一切机会讲中文，包括英语课上。这里我要向那些在国外留学时坚持不讲中文、而讲当地语言的同学致敬。同志们，这是何等伟大的精神啊。李白同学的铁杵磨成针也不过如此了（顺便说一下，我严重觉得这不符合小李同志的性格。放荡不羁、才华横溢的太白居然佩服笨鸟先飞式的智慧。放在杜老爷爷身上还差不多）。二、三十年前，社会上所流行的“干一行、爱一行”，时至今日，应该也要变成“干一行、恨一行”了。
      那么，我将所有我能想出来的长处特质都否决了，还能怎么办呢？
      没有办法，我只好重新回到我安静的小巢里，在梦中期待那位雄赳赳、气昂昂，一手洛阳铲、一手鹤嘴锄的考古学家向我走来。